Dude, I really don't like the summer. I try to like it, honestly, I do. I go outside and walk in the sun and I think to myself: "Isn't this nice and refreshing?" But then I'm all like, "Fuck No, Joe, your balls are sweating. This is gross." I just can't do it. It's not like I'm some grouchy bastard looking out the window of his monster-house, chastising the neighborhood youths for frolicking too joyously in the sunshine. Quite the opposite- I'm thrilled that folks dig the summer. I just need those folks to respect the fact that I hate the beach, I don't like not being able to wear velvet jackets, and I don't rollerblade. See? Nothing in it for me. Ah, well. Only four more months until autumn comes back. Yes.
Coffee is just the greatest thing in the world, isn't it?
So, I was home for Mother's Day last weekend. This was notable for three reasons. (ahem.)
1) I ate a whole bunch of delicious anchovies at Mother's Day Dinner. Few things bring me joy like dangling 'chovies over my 8 year old cousin's head and threatening her with "whisker juice." Anchovies have whiskers, guys. It's one of the coolest things about them.
2) I found my old prop frog that was used in the "Frog Rain" scene in Magnolia, which I bought many many years ago. I then purchased a snazzy display case for said frog. The rest is history. The little dude is now sitting atop my computer desk, ready to inspire and delight me.
3) I also found this bumper sticker. Baffling and invigorating.
FYI, Iconis-supporters: This summer will see a bunch of Joe gigs. I'll have concrete info within the next week, but just to give you a brief heads up, they'll be a reading of PLASTIC! The Musical (music by me and Reza Jacobs, book and lyrics by Robert Maddock) at the York Theater on June 5th @ 3pm; Maddock and I will be at the ASCAP Songwriters' Showcase on June 6th at the Laurie Beachman @ 6pm; on June 11th @ 6pm, I'm gonna be musical directing/playing piano for/speaking at this gala at Lincoln Center that's showcasing songs I wrote with a whole bunch of awesome little kids in the Bronx and Brooklyn... and then, later that night at 8:00pm, I'm gonna be at the D-Lounge in Union Square doing a set of my tunes with a bunch of Iconis regulars. As far as shit what's not yet scheduled, this summer will hold a couple Joe solo gigs, a return of the Iconis/Gaby Alter double-header, an evening of Joe-penned 20 minute musicals, and THINGS TO RUIN Part IV in August.
Just to clarify, the animal that adorned my last blog post was not a donkey but a mule. I realize that there is a fine line between a stupid ass and a stubborn mule... but there's also the reality that a mule will kick you in the face when you try to make him do something he knows is wrong. So, yeah. I'd rather be a mule. Also, mules get to hang out in the Grand Canyon. Fun.
Actually, one thing I do love about the summer is the omnipresence of lemonade. I love lemonade. Especially from Panya on 3rd avenue. Their lemonade is spine-crunchingly bitter and served to you by adorable Japanese girls who are obsessed with asking you before they put ice in anything. So, I'll give summer that.
Oh, also, I just got my mitts on this and felt like I should share it with the world:
Black Suits Class Photo '07. Aren't we a fine looking bunch of people? Yeah, I think so too. Jason kinda looks like Corky from "Life Goes On" in this picture. Kickass. Also, everyone's lips look particularly luscious. It must be some kind of allergic reaction to all the cat piss that covers the entire backstage area of the Zipper Theater.
Has there ever been a more badass man than John Goodman? Nah. Don't think so.
How long can you keep sushi in the fridge before it kills you?
Well, Shit-God-Damn-Sam-The-Man, just looking at that picture up there makes me all itchy and prickly. I want my show to open and I want it to open fuckin NOW, dammit! Grrrrrrr. GRRRRRRR!
I'm all wired now. I'm better go put on a movie to calm me down.
[JOE leaves the computer and walks over to his precariously-stacked pile of DVD's. He removes Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas from the tower. He feels that it's aggressive freneticism and drug-logic hallucinatory paranoia will sooth his nerves. He is so right.]
Whiskey is just the greatest thing in the world, isn't it?
Just wanna give a get-well shout out to Jenna Fischer, who just Broke Her Freakin' Back! I have (what is rapidly becoming) a very-public crush on Ms. Fischer and I would like to wish her a speedy and complete recovery... because it will be really hard to keep on harboring intense feelings of lustful desire for her if she looks like a fuckin gargoyle now. Just kidding, clearly. Honestly, I cannot believe that I live in a world where Jenna Fischer is lying in a hospital with a broken back and Rachael Ray is, well, alive. It's just not fair.
I'm gonna eat some cereal.
-joe
